This is my first tryout of the new document system
I think this will be the new way to take notes in class with any wifi connection
Google is too good.


that is all.

the kitchen says my bread is molded

i'm having a case of the thursdays when I get to my car to drive to work this morning, i notice my left rear door is a bit sticky as I open it. I close & reopen it again, looking to see why it's sticky. Oh, look at that. there's some goop or something on my car door. sticky with white specks. weird. but wait, there's more. there's also a smattering of some of that goop all along the left side of my car, the side facing the street. Is there more of this stuff? I look a little more left and find loads more goop covering my left mirror and frozen dripping down my door. but there's so much of this stuff, it's yellow that's right. someone egged my car. I do a quick csi-themeatic analysis of the evidence and figure there were 3 eggs that hit my car -- one on my back door and two on my mirror. They were done drive-by style: I can tell by the pattern of splashed egg guts. There are some leftover chunks of shell on my hood. And it's all sticky. no biggie. there's no chance i'll find out who did it. and at the very least, some kids actually had fun late night in San Jose. heaven forbid. oh, and then on the way to work i spilled my drink on myself and didn't realize it until i asked myself "why does the underside of my leg feel warm? weird. oh well. ... wait, it shouldn't feel warm, should it? hmm..." crank it to eleven

you're going the wrong way

unfortunately all i seem to ever have time for is the long-story-short stories. Anyways, long story short, this past weekend was spent with Debbie in Redlands, and it was truly amazing. Working today felt a bit weird. It was back to the pre-weekend grind, except with the lingering memory of the weekend. Everyone acted like nothing had happened. Like they didn't know how awesome the weekend was. Well, i mean, they didn't. And it was an enjoyable secret to keep. like the inside joke that you can't help but laugh out loud too but it's too complex to explain. inside jokes rule.

much ado about

nothing. nothing. that's what i'm doing, and that's all i've done today. I've definitely had those moments when i'm just totally unmotivated, but this is going on being a whole day of no motivation. There is a meeting late in the day, which will in theory give me more focused work to do, but until then i'm really just having a no-brain day at work. until then, my thoughts: Google Checkout This doesn't make much sense to me. I don't see how this fits into aggregating the world's data. So really it's just another avenue for revenue. Which could be put to some good use. For instance, what if based on your purchase history, Google was able to recommend things you might like across various online stores instead of closed to a single amazon.com store? Better yet, leverage that Google database and incorporate things you've searched for, emails you've recieved, videos you've watched, etc etc etc. I love and hate this idea. ... hmm. i thought i had more points to make, but i guess not. it's a slow day.

well, i think you're crazy.

My office building has become mostly full. When I began here, the only two people in cubes were myself and some other guy named Jun who I had met at orientation. Now there's only 2 cubes free on the whole floor. When everyone gets excited, it gets pretty loud. So I've finally resorted to listening to music at work. Yeah, I really don't have much to post. I just needed a break from learning. That's right. Learning. I was assigned two projects when I came to VMware, both of which looked like something I had a reasonable amount of technical expertise in. However, this is what's known as Phase 0 of like a 6-phase process (where the second half is betas and release candidates) which is a nice way of saying we don't really know what we're doing yet, but we're trying to figure it out. Unfortunately in figuring it out the project keeps spinning off into realms of technology everyone knows will work great but which I've never used before. So I have to keep learning them, changing my design, and so on. It's odd. Designing software is less thought-intensive than development work. I like it, but I'm begining to miss the ability to actually create a program that does something rather than creating a design that looks like it should do something. But that comes next. Alright. I'mma go get myself a snack or something and try and get back to learning.

all your base-10 are belong to us.

I was thinking of my usual thought process and I came across the newfangled concept that there is no such thing as an absolute fact. Everything known to be certain is really only known based on some underlying context or bias. That old chestnut. An internal conversation ensued. "What about math? Math is always consistant." "Only within consistant axioms. What's 1+1?" "Two" "Why?" "Because that's what it means to add 1 to 1." "That's what it means to you. And to anyone using the standard meanings of both "one" and "plus"" "What?" "Let's say I make my own base-10 numbering scheme except each number is mapped to the name and symbol of the following number. For example, my '4' would be your '3'. Thus, '1' + '1' = '1'. " "That's ridiculous." "Better yet, keep the numbers & symbols, and just change the base. What's 1+1 in base-2? 10." "Base-2?" "Yeah, it's where you only have digits 0 and 1. not 2 or above." "Well that's a strange name." "Why's that strange?" "Because if all you knew was base-2 then you wouldn't have a concept of the number '2' to describe the base" "Interesting" "What do you call normal math?" "Base-10" "There isn't a single digit to describe 10? You use base-10 numbers to describe the base of a base 10 number?" "I suppose." "Why don't you do that for other bases, then, what makes 10 so special?" "Fine, we'll do it for other bases as well." "Good. Now what does that make base-2?" "Base-10."

time = $$

i never used to believe that time equals money. but it's true. i'm at work for x hours. for every hour i'm at work, i gain money. i travel around, and for every hour I travel, i lose money. everytime i eat, i lose money. unless I didn't pay for lunch. really, what I'd like to do is sit down and figure out when i should work, when i should travel, when i should sleep, etc, etc, etc. but the problem is i don't really have enough time. so i do ad-hoc things and i'm probably losing money. case in point: i slept in berkeley sunday and tuesday night. i drove to work. not only did i use gas instead of bart, but i had to pay the $3.00 to use the dumbarton bridge. I also spent $8.00 doing laundry (coin-operated machines are total rip-offs). so i've decided something. I'm not really going to be able to keep all my money. My hands aren't big enough, my grip isn't tight enough to keep it from paying for food, gas, and evil greedy gnomes. so i've decided instead of making this thing a battle between me getting money vs. losing it. it's now become a race to spend my money on fun things faster than i spend it on the needed things. so i bought two t-shirts. (1)(2)

what can I say, i'm a busy guy

that's right. I haven't been posting. I've been busy. "But Chris, the point of the schedule was that, despite being busy, you had a real schedule with real deadlines that you had to meet despite how important you thought what you were doing was" Who said that? Who? That's what I thought. Seriously, nobody has been on my case about writing. Nobody. It's not like you all said "oh yay, more chris writings! I can hardly wait until his next update of carefully arranged words, yum!" No. It seems to me you all laughed to yourself, rolled your eyes, condescendingly wished me good luck, and went back to sleep (behind my back, no less!) Shame, shame on you! You're letting me get away with this. It's people like you who let people like me get away with not writing. You should be ashamed. ok, i gg now, i got stuff to do.

it's late. it's really late. i saw debbie again tonight. it was the third time in two weeks. long story short, i'm the king of mixed signals. it was exactly what i wanted, exactly what i needed, but exactly what i was afraid of. this time after hugging we went back to her room and made out. i was trying not to get involved thinking "she doesn't need this -- she's about to go away again. gahhhh we agreed to keep in touch and have a quasi-open relationship. i know i'm just going to end up waiting for her. and now i get to deal with asking if she's found someone... i don't know. i wasn't cut out for this. she leaves in less than 4 hours. i'm tired. and i can still taste her Dr Pepper kisses and her scent still lingers on my clothes. ok. i'm passing out now.

what a night i spent the evening at debbie's. it was a doubl fature of mean girls and when hrry met sally. in that order. it was good. we definitely spent pleanty of time talking before, during, and after the movis had started. that was really one of the best parts. she really listens to me and cares about what i have to say, and she asks the questions i ned to hear. it was good. the only thing that was better were her hugs at the end. man, does she give strong hugs. i felt so safe and secure there... i hated to leave. but it's 3am and i've got work tomorrow if onlly it were college i probably would have stayed over. sleeping on the floor or whatnot. because damn, i really didn't want it to end. but it had to and so it did.

late for my first post.

oh snap. it's 3:40pm. I swear I was thinking to myself at 1pm, "yay italy winning at futbal, double yay watching tv at work, oh yeah i have to write a post, i will when I get back to my desk." which did happen before 3pm, but unforutnately by the time i got back that thought had been long buried by other, more recent thoughts. anyhoo weekend was good. saturday i played sticks, a game I haven't played in over a year. it was ridiculously fun. then I went to my brother's graduation party, which was really for my parents. As soon as I walked in I was paraded around to say hi to everyone -- old family friends, old family, and people who I don't know but who clearly really know me. By the end, I had a headache, and they ran out of eggrolls. Boo on no eggrolls. I spent practically all of sunday starting, playing, and beating a game known as FutureTactics for PS2 (my brother won a mini PS2 at his all-night on-campus graduation party. you know, the one where they have fun stuff to do all night immediately after graduation to prevent you from going out and finding booze and driving drunk or other fun things.) It was my first turn-based fighting game. And it was the first video game I'd played in a while. It was addicting, but only for a day. one hour late. close enough. "Weighed down with words too over-dramatic"

written on Bart

Hey, hey. okay. what about, i mean, remember that time when you were like "what do you wanna do" and i was like "i wanna write everyday" and you were like "awesome, you should totally do it" and i was all "yeah i totally will" man, we were so baked. I've thought about writing. I really have. On and off for these last few weeks. But I haven't. That's a fact. I've been trying to think of a schedule on which i could regularly update without it making a huge negative impact on my schedule. And I think that's currently just been a stall tactic for me not writing. So here's my new pledge to you, the faithful^* reader. 1. Daily updates to my blogs Monday - Friday by 3pm. I plan on doing this daily after lunch, but sometimes lunches can go pretty late in the afternoon... Also, these will be small nonfiction updates. Don't expect much 2. New writings at midnight on Mondays. By the end of monday night I'll have something new written. It'll be pretty substantial. Like a Dan Brown chapter. 3. Published writings to my blogs every Wednesday. This could just be an extra-long post or it could actually be the thing i wrote for Monday. It depends on what I feel like publishing. So really all you care about is #1 and #3, but it's good to have my personal deadline of #2 written down. I'm hoping I can talk with Olivia or Debbie and get some literary criticism between Monday and Wednesday. That or I might have to tweak the days a bit depending on my schedule/the schedule of my editors. "hey, do you kiss on the first date?"

summer plans

The Downcast I've never really felt in the mood for blogging when I've been at my computer. But I have spent a substantial amount of time away from my computer with the urge to do something more than just travel from place to place. The result is numerous posts to my Downcast blog. (I like the ring of Downcast Podcast as opposed to Downcast Audio Blog. Which will also be more suiting if I ever actually make a Podcast.) The Phone I also got a new phone. A black RAZR. As much as it's better than my phone in about every conceiveable way, it feels much less rugged. But then again a credit card always feels less rugged compared to a 6-inch-diameter steel ball. I've cuztomized it with a ThugMo background and a Code Monkey ringtone. And as much as I think the camera on the phone sucks to my 3-year-old camera, it does mean I always have a camera with me. So I'll probably take pictures more now. The Hair For those who haven't already found out, I cut my hair. That's it. It's short now. Although not that short. It's almost back to the way it was, although it still feels kinda long for the way it was. The only major difference now is that all those months with me combing it back and/or tieing it back have caused it's basic shape to change. My old side-part doesn't stay anymore. Now I have a weird M-shape to my hair if I don't comb it. But I think it looks good. The List There's a lot of things I want to do this summer. There's a lot of things I want to do always. And for some stupid reason I always give work the priority. And since I want to do so much, I end up having a lot of work. Regardless, here's a list of things I could do over the summer. There's no priority here. Hopefully I'll actually do some of them.

1. Read more. Like creative reading. Not always practical reading.
2. Write more. This is a start. But like serious creative writing, not just blogging.
3. CTFO. I gotta stress less. Less stressin' = less depressin'.
4. Get next stable release of Layout Ultimate out. We've just got bugfixes to do with 7v7.
5. Leave prizes in public places. It makes the world more like a videogame.
6. Design a large-scale puzzle adventure. This could take some serious time.
7. Ultimate sometimes. Because it's fun.
8. UGMO site redesign. Make it teh cool.

There's probably more. Oh well.

i think something snapped.

you think that it's a point. a point you reach where suddenly the stress and strain of life is too much. The realization that you have too much to do hits you. And something gives. You freak out, and... i don't know what. I don't know what because it hasn't really happened. Or rather it has happened. Or that i have no idea if it happened or not, but it certainly feels like it must have. i can't seriously work anymore. i've only recently been able to actually hold a clear mental focus for more than 10 minutes. Most of that is due to illness. I've been sick for the last week with what turns out to be a bacterial infection. I had a high fever, and it is to blame for most of what's been messing with my head. You stop walking and ask yourself why you're in the kitchen, and subsequently why you were walking. And then you remember you have to pee and you meant to go to the bathroom, but you walked to the kitchen instead. stupid fevers. but even before then i had no interest in working. The last time i worked furiously was for the code generation project on my compiler. A project which i tested the crap out of, only to discover 3 major flaws a week after the due date, when i worked on the next phase of the project. I think that's what broke my spirit. no matter how hard i worked the work will never be done. i'll just at some point stop working. and if that's my eventual action, why waste time now working when i'll just stop working later? i had two papers due this past tuesday. with the fever, i had absolutely nothing finished come the deadline. the professor called me and gave me a 2 day extension. It wasn't really enough time to do anything well, but it was enough time to get something done. and i did, again with the light at the end of the tunnel being that i could simply stop working again. and whatever grade i got was fine as long as it meant i didn't have to do that work again. and now all that is done. i have 2 finals on wednesday and thursday next week. and i haven't done any work studying for them. and i really really don't want to. dammit.

drop a hole

just so I can find this later. and so you can enjoy this now.

i've said it once before, but it bears repeating now.

this is an awesome music video. i finished my "technical writing" paper tonight. whoever knew how an ultimate disc flies could be so hard to explain. spring break is almost here. gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

existentialism?

The only word I can describe for my philosophical sentiment right now is existential. But I'm not even sure if that's the right word. As of the beginning of last week, I had a midterm paper due tomorrow. As of the end of last week, I had a draft of a midterm paper due tomorrow. I know if I had a fully written out paper that this peer review session would be substantially beneficial. And I've been trying to crank this thing out for the last 2 days. But to no avail. I have 1 page written. 1 of 6. Partially, I don't feel pressed because I know it's really due Thursday. Mostly, I can't get motivated for this paper because I've been researching the physics of an ultimate disc in flight for the last month, and it's just not an enduring topic. Additionally, there's many an aspect of my life that's falling apart right now, although it's at the "this just means a whole lot of work for me" stage rather than the "oh shit, I'm not going to be able to handle this" stage. Finally, I've come to realize how ultimately unimportant completing this paper is relative to all my other responsibilities. It's hard to focus on something you know doesn't matter at all when you've got so much that actually does matter on your mind. But i'm back to trying anyway...

what a weekend

This weekend was crazy fun. But it's over too soon. Friday I had dinner with the girls at the Ultimate Love Shack. Apparently corned beef is a traditional dish for St. Patrick's Day. And I forgot to wear green. I'm a wonderful 25% irish man. After dinner the party dwindled down to a select few: Vapor, Squirt, Gretchen, Scott, Mindi, and myself. We played Harry Potter Uno while drinking a party pack of Smirnoff Ice (and the occasional shot of vodka). Vapor won because she's sneaky like that and she clearly should have been taking shots with us. We then watched Hot Dog, an 80's movie about freestyle skiing with a playboy playmate succinctly described as "80's soft porn" by Vapor & Squirt. I don't remember much about the movie, as we were fairly drunk and spent most of the movie talking to one another on the couch. I sat between Vapor & Squirt, so double points to me. Then I woke up at about 10 on Saturday, finished my compiler project by noon, hit up a prospective house for next year at noon-thirty (the housing situation is messed up. i'll talk about it more later), then had practice, went to Scotts in Jack London for my dad's bday. When we got back, I went to a PhotoClub party with Courtney. Today was mostly spent recovering. There was an ultimate meeting discussing the roles people will play next year. The future looks good. I really felt comfortable with these girls, it was a nice change from both the being around a large group of guys and the feeling like I must force conversation with attractive girls. As such, things got quite "cozy" on the couch. I definitely had my arms around both Vapor and Squirt for most of the evening, although while Squirt thuroughly enjoyed it, i think Vapor was just putting up with it. (I don't know how to feel about Squirt. She definitely enjoyed me holding her and I certainly enjoyed her wrapping her arm around me and playing with my hair. The real truth is that I do still like her, but I have the distinct feeling that if I just keep pursuing her it'll all just be a big tease. Especially given the theory that she has yet another out-of-town boyfriend named Adam (who called that night too). I have a feeling if I keep after Squirt it can lead to nothing but disaster, but it's still better than nothing. I'm also afraid my getting cozy with her might have made Vapor feel weird (she doesn't want to hang with us this thursday because she's "lame", and "busy" but not because of "work". could be totally unrelated or totally related). It's a complicated situation) I really wish I had someone to talk to about this. It feels like I should talk to Scott about this but I can't share personal things with him without him branching into random tangents about his own mistrials with girls within like 100s of our conversation. Believe me, I've tried. But i'm le tired.

All those times

I'm about a day behind on my semantic analyzer project. But I'm halfway through the semester and this is the hardest part, so I figure this might be one of the projects I turn in a day late without penalty. It's pretty crazy stuff. I think my problem in life is that I really don't know what I want. There's a distinct desire for a lasting, meaningful relationship like so many I had in high school when we were too timid to do anything really sexual. But then I see a picture of a topless girl, or a girl in her underwear, or even just a hot girl giving a seductive look. And I remember all those times... All the times my hands warmed hers. All the times I closed my eyes and kissed her softly. All those times I kissed from her lips to her collarbone. All the times she sucked on my neck and chest and gave me a hickey. All the the times I undid her bra and licked her nipples while the scruff that had grown on my chin since i shaved that morning scratched her tender breast. All the times I ended up on top even though I preferred the bottom. All the times I actually forgot about the world around me, forgot about myself, and only cared about making someone else feel good. That's really, deep down, what I miss the most: someone to care about that takes precedence over everything. Without it, I just get involved in my work, i devote ridiculous amounts of time to things like Ultimate Frisbee and personal sideprojects, and I just keep busy. Work is my alternative to Happiness. A few months ago I met a girl named Leslie at an Ultimate party. We had both had a lot to drink before we met. We talked continuously since we met, and we were one of the last few to leave the party come 3am. I was genuinely interested in her despite the fact that she told me she had a boyfriend she was planning on breaking up with once that semester was over. I offered to walk her home, but the walk went by my house and she had to use the restroom, so we stopped at my place. Then she didn't want to leave. So we managed to scrunch onto my twin mattress and we talked until we fell asleep. We never did anything (she spoke to herself aloud saying how she was resisting the temptation to do things with me because she still had a boyfriend, even if he did cheat on her. My solution was to let her make a move if she wanted it, and as such, no move was made) We went on a date a week later, suffice to say, she wanted time to be single. And that ended that. I figure if I really wanted a one-night hookup that could have been it. If I really wanted a relationship I wouldn't've brought her back to my place. Either way, my heart vs my libido is proving to be a rather well-matched fight. And I've since come to the conclusion that I'm only drunk girls find me attractive. (Which is a bit biased, because I only meet girls at parties, and most of those girls are, or eventually end up being, drunk)

brainwander

I heard "The Rock Show" today and it made me think of high school dances. Where that song would come on, everyone would yell for like 4 seconds, then everyone would shout the words as they bounced up and down and called it dancing. I liked dancing. I got a little crazy, and when the Matrix fad hit the nation I invented a dance move based on the Bullet Dodge slow-mo scene. In sync with the music I would flail my arms and arc my back until I got as low as possible, then I would catch myself with one hand, and in a smooth motion I would push off the ground and be back on my feet. I loved that move. Once I did it without looking behind me, and my head hit the back of some girls ankles. My friends teased me about getting a look up her skirt, but I didn't see anything. One of the ones who teased me about it was Stephanie. I knew her from way back in 7th grade. She was pretty cool, I had a crush on her at one point and I would hang out with her after school telling my parents I was going to the library. I was caught one night because I lost track of time and came home after sunset. That's when I started wearing a watch. I could never figure out which wrist to put it on, though. I'd think "I'm right handed: I should put it on my right". But then I couldn't simultaneously use my right hand (to write, for instance) and simultaneously look at the time. So I ended up strapping it tightly to my left wrist, because I couldn't stand it being lose and spinning around on my wrist. I developed a horrible wristwatch tan and the nickname Clock Boy. At some point later in junior high (I'd guess 8th grade), Stephanie's life began going crazy. She claimed to have married AJ McClean from the Backstreet Boys in an internet chatroom. Nobody believed her, but she called herself Stephanie McClean. After that died down, she met some other guy over the internet, a high-school senior named Nick. Nobody ever met him, although she would IM us a school photo of the boy she claimed to be dating. Nobody ever saw a picture of them together. Then, when their relationship went sour, he became obsessive and controlling. She had broken up with him, but he wasn't about ready to leave, and he would show up at her house uninvited. One night she IM'd me asking for help -- he had hacked into her Hotmail account and couldn't get it back. It wasn't that bad of a hack: it seemed he had just figured out her password. It was hard to use Hotmail because, at the time, you couldn't have 2 computers logged into the same account at one time, so everytime I logged on I kicked Nick out, and vice versa. It took about 30 minutes of trying before I knew where to click fast enough to log in and change her password before he logged in and kicked me out again. But that's the only proof he existed. Which could have easily been her fucking with us. I have no idea what happened to her.

Love Cups!

MIT labs has done great research in the ability to find practical applications for finding some reason the most obtuse device in your house needs to be connected to the internet. Most recently, they've developed pairs of wi-fi cups that glow with greater intensity when the other half of the pair is drinking. My first reaction was: Holy crap. What a waste of time. But the analysis says that it really helps keep the spark going in long-distance relationships and with people who just don't get out often enough. Which I can kind of believe. If everytime my sippycup glowed I knew someone I cared about was thinking about me, it would make me feel good. And honestly how could you not be self-consious about thinking of your other half while drinking a cup that's going to make their cupboard glow red? But what about those who don't have a romantic other in their life, short- or long-distance? Well, I've got a great idea: Set 2 people up by giving each of them one of a pair of these cups. Only you will know who's drinking out of the other glass! And then they'll think they have a secret admirer off drinking somewhere and thinking of them! It'll be great. I swear, if I ever got one of those mugs, I'd probably just drink out of it all the time. Although it'd be disappointing if mine never lit up.

I hate roommates

I always get the short end of the stick for roommates. It sucks. My current roommate has a girlfriend, which for the past two semesters he's been living with. Which means that each of myself and 2 other guys got a single. And it was good. But goddammit if they didn't get into another loud fight that caused her to get evicted and to make him move back in with us. In all honesty it's probably healthier for everyone if they would break up and stay that way for more than a few hours, but for whatever reason they stay together. But really that's none of my business and it's the least of my concerns with him as a roommate. He's just plain out totally inconsiderate of everyone in the house. He leaves dirty dishes in the sink for weeks with no intention to clean them unless I tell him to. And the only reason I'm stuck telling him to is because I'm the one that actually shares a room with him. Which also means I'm the one that bears the grunt of most of his inconsider-icies. I can't work in my room now. Because he either comes home when i'm working and will watch some movie with loud volume with total disregard for what I was doing. Or he'll sleep until freakin 3pm so I can't listen to music and work while awake. I can't stand this. How can someone be so out of touch from normal social interaction. GAAHAHH that is all

Let's delay our misery

Holy crap. The last 48+ hours have been a dizzy blur. And I thought I'd be done by midnight tonight, but it would appear the pain train is just beginnin to roll. Here's a quick-action rundown of what happened. Pretend like these words are coming at you like they do when Batman punches someone. And that someone is a henchmen. And they're all me. BLAM! E190 oral presentation on Thursday, it went well, but I was prepared for that since Tuesday. SMACK! E190 Memo due I actually didn't finish and had to get an extension on. It's now due Monday. KA-POW! E195 reading that I'm like a week and a half behind on. ARRGHH! AI homework was ridiculously hard. I got it done a few hours before it was due, at the cost of hanging with Courtney and Anna. BOOM! AI project done 15 minutes before midnight, and only then do I realize that I totally missed my Friday. um..pop? I've got an AI midterm on Tuesday. And a shitload of learning to do before then. shazzam. I need an outline of all my E190 research written by Tuesday. And I hardly had enough material for a 5-minute presentation. oh, snap! Turns out my Compilers project has a checkpoint on Tuesday as well. Who knew? woohoo! 2 Google interviews on Wednesday with the Payments group. word. swoosh! Another midterm Thursday. Culture of Science style. I gotta get my read on. splat! Compilers written assignment due Thursday. wha? Ultimate party on Friday. You'd think this would be a good thing, but I doubt it. ... I'm sure there's more ahead i'm still unaware of. On the other hand, I did get a lot of Broken Social Scene. They rock. And they're good to study to. that is all.

I didn't get the memo.

I haven't had a girlfriend since June(?) 2004, and apparently I haven't dated someone who loved me since a few months before then. I've never really gone on the offensive for dating -- I'm very chill about it. There's a group of girls I see regularly, we become friends, and maybe a spark happens, and if it does then the rest writes itself. But for various reasons, that same strategy hasn't worked well since freshman year in college. Lately it's become painfully apparent how single I really am. Alec has Maggie. They're a good match, a cute couple, and I'm glad they're happy together. They used to be shy around one another and it was cute. Now they snuggle a bit when we watch TV and it's a different kind of cute. Scott has Annie. They visit each other when they can, but it's a different kind of relationship than Alec & Maggie. They don't display their affection publicly, but knowing Scott he does act a bit differently around her than he does normally. It's interesting to watch. Martin has Dora now. It's ridiculous!! For a comic that continually pokes fun about how one man can be surrounded by hot girls interested in him to varying degrees and not getting any action, how can a kiss like that happen!? Ahhh!! Not to mention last night. I had a heart-fluttering, exhaustion-induced dreaming session last night. The dream was a result of a number of facts whirring around in my head combined with playing 4 games of ultimate on little or no food, eating, then going straight to bed before 10pm. Those facts would be: 1. Noah, an ultimate player on our team, horribly disrespects other players and myself. I want to kick him off the team, but can't when Caddy, the coach, is around due to a difference in philosphy. 2. Liza (nickname Squirt) IM'd me and mentioned how fun the Boat Dance was last year, and how we should go again. Last year I had a major crush on Squirt, but I never understood if she was being friendly or flirting with me. Reality said she had a distant boyfriend, but the way we slow danced felt so good. Unfortunately, the way we slow danced lied, and she appologized later for leading me on. In the dream, I kept Noah from playing. He got pissed and through a tantrum of some kind, I held my ground and went elsewhere while he cooled down. I found Squirt. We said very little, our eyes met. We hugged. Her skin was warm on mine. I could feel her warm breath on the side of my neck as she held me tight. I ran my nose gently along her neck. I felt like I belonged. I was happy. I then woke up at 6:30 to a cold, messy room, which I soon left for the second day of the ultimate tournament. I feel like this is one of those times where someone sent out a memo reminding everyone that romance should be happening soon, and everyone got on it. Who knows, maybe soon even Jim and Pam will finally get their moment and I'll still be sitting on the sideline, watching everyone else try their hand at the game of love.

Intelligent Design...ed by me

Mixing the new school with the old school, we get The Chris Courier on Blogger. When I first began writing online, before someone smashed the words 'web' and 'log' together at exceedingly high velocities, before Web 2.0, before Y2K, there was The Chris Courier. What I wrote didn't matter, but I tended to write about stuff that happened in real life. When the social scene got really heated up, I would cleverly change the names of who I was talking about to aptly describe the situation at hand without compromising any promises or secret feelings or whatever was important to me in the 8th grade. But that's just silly. So I'm not going to do that here. I'm really just going to jot down my life. ...and I couldn't really think of a new title.