Saturday, May 20, 2006

summer plans

The Downcast I've never really felt in the mood for blogging when I've been at my computer. But I have spent a substantial amount of time away from my computer with the urge to do something more than just travel from place to place. The result is numerous posts to my Downcast blog. (I like the ring of Downcast Podcast as opposed to Downcast Audio Blog. Which will also be more suiting if I ever actually make a Podcast.) The Phone I also got a new phone. A black RAZR. As much as it's better than my phone in about every conceiveable way, it feels much less rugged. But then again a credit card always feels less rugged compared to a 6-inch-diameter steel ball. I've cuztomized it with a ThugMo background and a Code Monkey ringtone. And as much as I think the camera on the phone sucks to my 3-year-old camera, it does mean I always have a camera with me. So I'll probably take pictures more now. The Hair For those who haven't already found out, I cut my hair. That's it. It's short now. Although not that short. It's almost back to the way it was, although it still feels kinda long for the way it was. The only major difference now is that all those months with me combing it back and/or tieing it back have caused it's basic shape to change. My old side-part doesn't stay anymore. Now I have a weird M-shape to my hair if I don't comb it. But I think it looks good. The List There's a lot of things I want to do this summer. There's a lot of things I want to do always. And for some stupid reason I always give work the priority. And since I want to do so much, I end up having a lot of work. Regardless, here's a list of things I could do over the summer. There's no priority here. Hopefully I'll actually do some of them.
  1. Read more. Like creative reading. Not always practical reading.
  2. Write more. This is a start. But like serious creative writing, not just blogging.
  3. CTFO. I gotta stress less. Less stressin' = less depressin'.
  4. Get next stable release of Layout Ultimate out. We've just got bugfixes to do with 7v7.
  5. Leave prizes in public places. It makes the world more like a videogame.
  6. Design a large-scale puzzle adventure. This could take some serious time.
  7. Ultimate sometimes. Because it's fun.
  8. UGMO site redesign. Make it teh cool.
There's probably more. Oh well.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

i think something snapped.

you think that it's a point. a point you reach where suddenly the stress and strain of life is too much. The realization that you have too much to do hits you. And something gives. You freak out, and... i don't know what. I don't know what because it hasn't really happened. Or rather it has happened. Or that i have no idea if it happened or not, but it certainly feels like it must have. i can't seriously work anymore. i've only recently been able to actually hold a clear mental focus for more than 10 minutes. Most of that is due to illness. I've been sick for the last week with what turns out to be a bacterial infection. I had a high fever, and it is to blame for most of what's been messing with my head. You stop walking and ask yourself why you're in the kitchen, and subsequently why you were walking. And then you remember you have to pee and you meant to go to the bathroom, but you walked to the kitchen instead. stupid fevers. but even before then i had no interest in working. The last time i worked furiously was for the code generation project on my compiler. A project which i tested the crap out of, only to discover 3 major flaws a week after the due date, when i worked on the next phase of the project. I think that's what broke my spirit. no matter how hard i worked the work will never be done. i'll just at some point stop working. and if that's my eventual action, why waste time now working when i'll just stop working later? i had two papers due this past tuesday. with the fever, i had absolutely nothing finished come the deadline. the professor called me and gave me a 2 day extension. It wasn't really enough time to do anything well, but it was enough time to get something done. and i did, again with the light at the end of the tunnel being that i could simply stop working again. and whatever grade i got was fine as long as it meant i didn't have to do that work again. and now all that is done. i have 2 finals on wednesday and thursday next week. and i haven't done any work studying for them. and i really really don't want to. dammit.