i think something snapped.

you think that it's a point. a point you reach where suddenly the stress and strain of life is too much. The realization that you have too much to do hits you. And something gives. You freak out, and... i don't know what. I don't know what because it hasn't really happened. Or rather it has happened. Or that i have no idea if it happened or not, but it certainly feels like it must have. i can't seriously work anymore. i've only recently been able to actually hold a clear mental focus for more than 10 minutes. Most of that is due to illness. I've been sick for the last week with what turns out to be a bacterial infection. I had a high fever, and it is to blame for most of what's been messing with my head. You stop walking and ask yourself why you're in the kitchen, and subsequently why you were walking. And then you remember you have to pee and you meant to go to the bathroom, but you walked to the kitchen instead. stupid fevers. but even before then i had no interest in working. The last time i worked furiously was for the code generation project on my compiler. A project which i tested the crap out of, only to discover 3 major flaws a week after the due date, when i worked on the next phase of the project. I think that's what broke my spirit. no matter how hard i worked the work will never be done. i'll just at some point stop working. and if that's my eventual action, why waste time now working when i'll just stop working later? i had two papers due this past tuesday. with the fever, i had absolutely nothing finished come the deadline. the professor called me and gave me a 2 day extension. It wasn't really enough time to do anything well, but it was enough time to get something done. and i did, again with the light at the end of the tunnel being that i could simply stop working again. and whatever grade i got was fine as long as it meant i didn't have to do that work again. and now all that is done. i have 2 finals on wednesday and thursday next week. and i haven't done any work studying for them. and i really really don't want to. dammit.